How I Found My Soulmate, Part 1: My Journey in Love

这是part 1我的7部分系列我分享我的爱情之旅，如何认识我的知己，以及如何吸引真实的爱。

Part 1:我的恋爱之旅
Part 2:Meeting My Husband (Someone I Knew From Before)
Part 3:解决我的内心恶魔
Part 4:How I Realized My Husband Is The One For Me
Part 5:How My Husband Realized I Am The One For Him (And Your Questions For Him, Answered)
Part 6:10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love
Part 7:How To Know When You Have Found ‘The One’: 8 Questions To Consider

Ken and I in Glasgow (Photo from我们的格拉斯哥订婚拍摄)

(Published on Sep 11, 2013; Updated in 2021)

So many of you have been asking me, since I got attached (and subsequently已订婚的), how I got to know my fiancé, Ken. Some of you wanted to know how we got together, while some of you asked how we knew with such certainty that we are the ones for each other — within a month no less.

Update, May 2014: We are now married! Read about our wedding here:The Day I Got Married

Initially I wanted to hold off sharing the story of how we met till closer to our wedding, because I didn’t want people to diminish my message as we have not been together long.

But the truth is even though Ken and I have not been together long, it feels like we have known each other all along. For some reason, we are able to connect with each other on a very deep level, in a way I’ve not been able to do with anyone else in my life. If soulmates means two souls having an unexplainable affinity for each other be it mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, then that’s what we are to each other — soulmates, on all levels. :)

我很高兴分享我的爱情故事，因为我想激发所有正在寻求爱或尚未找到爱的人。无论您是单身还是依恋，我都希望这会给您带来爱。在本系列中，我将分享我们如何相遇，依恋并意识到我们彼此相处的故事。

Here goes. :)

我的恋爱之旅(Up Till I Was 28)

I’ve already shared parts of my love journey on the blog before. Frommy longstanding singlehood，至我过去的心碎，至my experience with a dating agency, these are all part of my love journey.

But to give you guys a complete picture, up until I got attached to Ken, I was single for the first 28 years of my life.

我成长在a household where my parents staunchly ruled that I wasn’t allowed to see anyone until I graduated. When I say “graduated,” I mean graduating from university at the age of 22. While I never gave their opinions second thought, I believe their staunch and negative views on this topic made me subconsciously devalue my desire to be with someone.

I had a couple of relationships when I was in secondary school, but they were very short-term — each lasting no more than a couple of weeks. They were so insignificant and juvenile that I wouldn’t even regard them as relationships.

When I was in university, I liked someone (as I have shared inmy moving on series, regarding G).It didn’t work outand I was left crushed, taking years to mend my broken heart thereafter.

(Of course it all worked out in the end because I eventually met Ken,my real soulmate, but more on that later. Thinking back, G was not a true compatible match because had we gotten together, I would never have evolved to who I am today; he would also not be a fit for the person I’ve become.)

I grew up very career-driven and achievement-oriented. To me relationships come and go, but personal achievements and career, these stick forever. Seeing couples part ways after three, five, ten, or even more years simply reinforced to me the transient nature of relationships and that I shouldn’t invest too heavily in something that wouldn’t last. (I later realized that this belief isn’t true and had limited me from getting attached.)

Never Been in a Serious Relationship Before

Even though I had never been in a serious relationship before, it wasn’t because I wasn’t appealing enough or I lacked male attention.

On my appeal, I used to think that I wasn’tpretty,thin, or女性enough to attract a good guy but I later realized that this wasn’t true and I was simply carrying very negative, limiting views of myself. I wrote about my revelations inThe Beauty of Self – Why I Used To Feel Inferior about My Looks,How I Began to Love My Body（系列），以及How I Found My Place as a Female in Today’s World(series).

On attention from guys, I had male attention, but things just never worked out. It was always either that the guy wasn’t a match or that I had some interest but the guy didn’t follow up. I went on dates, but nothing ever came out of them. I usually concluded that we weren’t compatible and would do the fade-away thing (which I later realized wasn’t very nice when I experienced that myself).

我想和某人在一起，但我没有看到为此而建立恋爱关系的意义。我想和一个我真正喜欢的人在一起并看到了一个未来，而不仅仅是与一个我不强烈的人聚在一起。

想知道是否有人在那里

There were often times when I wondered if there was anyone out there for me at all. I would have lengthy chats with friends as we lamented about love and life, but my end conclusion would be that I, or anyone for that matter, had to remain hopeful. Whether or not there was someone for me, having a negative mindset wasn’t going to help mefind love。I had to believe there is a special someone out there for everyone, and it is by being positive and being my best self that I would attract that person, whoever he might be.

Dipping my toes into dating: Jun 2011 to Early 2012

When I was 27, between June 2011 and early 2012, I began to dip my toes into dating/love. During this time, I went on a solo seven-month trip around Europe/U.S. for work and to meet new people and experience new cultures. I thought I wasn’t getting younger, so it was really time to get out there and meet people.

我遇到了很多人，甚至在此过程中遇到了一些关系潜力。但是事情没有解决，其中一个案例我受到了很大的伤害。在那之后，我只是继续前进，从G Saga中学到了如何有意识地继续前进（正如我分享的那样my heartbreak series). Each experience helped me learn more about what I was looking for and I looked forward to whoever I was meeting next.

Serious Dating Immersion: Jul-Dec 2012

Then in June 2012 as I turned 28, I decided to give romance a serious stab. No more “dipping my toe in the water” but seriously going deep into the ocean and full-on swimming.

有几个原因。

在工作方面，我处在一个很好的地方，每月在PE和getting ongoing media coverage。我想追求我的个人目标，例如浪漫。
I was happy with the other areas in mylife wheel, such as health and fitness (I hadcleaned up my dietover the years and was exercising regularly), contribution (I was giving value to the society daily through PE), friendships (I was surrounded by positive, like-minded people), family (my relationship with my parents was better than before), and personal growth (I was more conscious than I had ever been).

I felt that I was living my most purposeful life ever and it was time to take things to the next level by working on the one area I had not actualized yet — love. I felt that I owed it to myself to give love a serious stab because truth be told, I had been putting love on hold all my life. I would always pretend that I wasn’t interested in love or say I was busy working深处时，我真的很想见我的特别人。

我觉得现在是时候把自己放在那里，约会并认真探索与某人建立关系的时候了。考虑到我28岁，还有什么比现在更好的时间了？我想，不管这一切都无法控制，但最重要的是要尽力而为。

所以我做了。

Arranged dating.In July 2012, I joined a dating agency (they sponsored my dating package while I wrote about my date experience). I figured I would not rely on them to get dates, but simply to use it as an extra channel to meet new people.
Massive socializing and networking.我也开始大量扩大社交圈。我加入了企业家网络和商业活动，因为它们符合我的兴趣，并会帮助我完成工作。我还觉得在这种环境中与人们见面是展示真实我的最佳方式，因为工作是我一生中的重要组成部分。
Dating events.我开始接受像单打活动这样的约会活动，这是第一次，因为我过去会把它们放下，愚蠢而尴尬。我的好朋友W是单身，偶尔会加入单打活动，所以我在自由的时候会加入他。
With friends.I let others know I was open to dating and told them to set me up on a date. I also constantly checked with friends and acquaintances if they had upcoming events I could join. Whenever people invited me to house parties, networking events, talks, etc., I would join in. To me, these were all opportunities to meet new people, on top of attending for the event itself.
To guys who asked me out.在个人层面上，我开始持开放态度邀请函。当伙计们问我时，除非我真的没有兴趣，否则我会接受他们的日期。这与过去相去甚远，当时我几乎出于最异想天开的原因拒绝每个人。（后者是一种终结主义方法，我分享了10 Steps To Attract Authentic Love。)

约会狂欢 - 令人难忘的经历

So for the next six months, I went onmore dates than I had ever gone on in my entire life。Actually, I went on more dates than most of my peers went on in their entire lives (before getting attached). I could easily be on three to four dates a week, sometimes with pretty eligible men. If I had deprived myself in the area love/romance early on in my life, I had my fill of dates and dating stories in this period.

吸引力法则是在工作中,男人would come out of the woodwork to ask me out — and these could be guys I already knew but never stayed in touch with. It was like I was putting out the intention to date, and the universe was helping to make that happen.

I even hadmarried伙计们击中了我，我不同意。我会立即拒绝他们。阅读更多：What I Have Learned From Being Hit On by Married Men

在此期间，我学到了很多关于自己以及在关系伙伴中寻找的东西。虽然我一直对自己想要的东西有一个很好的了解，但这个约会阶段将我的意识提高到了一个全新的水平。如果我将来与某人在一起，我还学会了如何成为一个更好的约会和伴侣。

However… Still Single in the End

虽然我在六个月中遇到的家伙越来越有资格和兼容性，但我仍然与任何人结识。

I went to three singles parties with W and they were not my thing. The crowd and vibes of the first two events didn’t gel with me, while the third event didn’t even take place — we went but no one showed up!

在约会机构安排的日期中，我意识到几个日期之后，我通过自己的圈子遇到了更多兼容的人。公平地说，也许他们的数据库没有适合我想要的东西的人 - 毕竟，我与大多数女性完全不同。另外，与普通人相比，我已经广泛社交了 - 他们的服务可能会帮助社交圈有限并且没有时间与人见面的人。

至于我自己的网络的日期，有一些有前途的前景，但是我不足以建立恋爱关系。鉴于我已经28岁对自己的愿景和价值观有了清晰的了解，所以我想和一个可以看到长期未来的人在一起。与某人建立关系并在几个月后分手是不公平的。

我觉得自己回到了“正方形” - 经过这么多数月的活跃约会后，我自己回到自己。我感到失望，空虚，疲惫不堪。我觉得自己处于困境，绕圈盘旋。